Friday, April 25, 2008

Baby Mama

Hollywood and Television hate old ladies. They also sorta hate old dudes too, but mostly old ladies. In many instances of casting parental and childrenical roles, the parental figure is too young to have even sired (what’s the female word for that, seared?) the offspring in question.
I could not find accurate info on my keynote example The Karate Kid, because the actress plying Daniel la Russo’s mother refused to admit her age.

Here we go:



Frasier:
The dad from Say Anything was old enough to be Ione Skye’s dad, but just barely old enough to be Frasier’s dad on Frasier. He is only fifteen years older in real life, meaning he would been getting his teen bone on early and often with repercussions. Frasier’s mom is dead or something in the show.

Trivia 1: Frasier also played a guy named Frasier on the hit show “Cheers”
Talk about typecasting!
Trivia 2: Say Anything dad did not become lame in between Say Anything and Frasier, he was acting!
Trivia 3: I want to have sex with Ros’s voice, but not the actress who played her. Science, get on this and invent something!



Manchurian Candidate:
Laurence Harvey was only two years younger than his on screen mom Angela Lansbury.

Trivia 1: Having a kid when you’re two would be gross bonin’ for her, especially when you add in the 9 months for gestating.
Trivia 2: I unofficially think Angela was totally hot because she looks a lot like my grandma. That would be gross bonin’ for me.



Forest Gump:
Sally Fields is only ten years older than Tom Hanks.

Trivia 1: This movie sucked.
Trivia 2: Sally Fields might have played a role where she boned Tom Hanks. They were in a movie called Punchline and I never saw it but I think they might have boned in it.



Webster:
In a show that blatantly ripped off the premise of Diff’rn’t S’trokes, Webster was about a young africanised American boy adopted by a white family. The only difference is Mrs. Garret was the maid in one, and then George Popadopilis treated Ma’am like a maid. Other than that, same damn thing. Except for no Gooch.
The “child” actor who portrayed Webster in the show’s first 3 seasons was really twenty seven year old genetic freak Emannuel Day Lewis, while George Popadopilis was played by recently retired Detroit Lions linebacker Alex Karras who had been forced out of the NFL the year before with chronic knee injuries at the age of twentysix.
Trivia 1: The final two seasons of Webster were straight to syndication and Webster was portrayed by an animatronic model built by Jim Henson Productions.



Honorable Mention:
Back to the Future

Michael J. Fox is only ten days younger than Lea Thompson, the actress who plays his mother, and is almost three years older than his on-screen dad, Crispin Glover. But this movie is about Time Travel, and that’s messed up so it might not count.
Trivi 1: Futureboy is three years older than Chase, but Chase still calls him "a good kid".

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Monday, April 21, 2008

Downtown Food Guide

Are you downtown? Are you hungry?
Let birdflag blog help you fill your belly!

I'm willing to impart everything I know about finding the best food, and the best deals in beautiful downtown Portland. Everything from fancy sitdown, to cart life. This post has it all.


HONKIN HUGE
Location: Pioneer Square

This place sucks. Typical American style quantity over quality, honkin' Huge offers a giant burrito that you have to eat with a fork because it doesn't wrap up right, and is made with diced tomatoes (not even salsa), canned beans, and gubmint cheese.

Item to get: Nothing.


EN FUEGO'S

Location: SW corner of Pioneer Courthouse
The drummer from Stars of Track and Field used to work here and he made the best burrito downtown. Now it's some spacy chick, but she's still ok.

Item to get: Small chicken w/ yogurt, no salsa and tapatio/sweet chili in a whole wheat tortilla.


PACO'S TACOS

Location: 3rd and Alder
Weird thing here, is the red and green salsas are a little different than anywhere else, and the rice has canned peas in it. It's really tasty, but if you look at it too much it looks like a really bad drunk dookie in a tortilla.

Item to get:
Carne Asada Burrito. Except I've ordered the Carne Asada Burrito before and gotten 4 tacos.
Mistake aside, they were great tacos.


MEXICAN FOOD


Location: Just a little North of Paco's

This cart has the best art.

Item to get: Go to Paco's instead. The Carne Asada Burrito here is the exact same quality as paco's, but costs 5 bucks compared to 4.50. And when you pay 4.50 for lunch, and they try to give you change, it's easy to look like a big man and just wave at them to throw the change in the tip jar. be a big man.



TAQUERIA CHARLIE VILLANUEVA
Location: something like 4th and oak. But it's not. I forget exactly where it is. It's right by Ruth's Chri's S'teak Hou'se

The strong classic burrito made by Mexicans*, for Mexicans**. Guy has the best moustache of any cart owner, and always calls you amigo.

* probably from Honduras.

**white people.

Item to get: Carne Asada Burrito

KING BURRITO
Eccoli Row on the Bus mall


Item to get:
Carne Asada Burrito, make sure you pay extra so you get to see th eold hispanic man who looks like a cross between William Holden and Slim Whitman make change with his paddle like hand that only has 3 fingers.


LOS LOCOS BURRITOS
Location: almost exactly right next to King Burrito, only an ATM separates them.

Their version of rice is cooked into paste, somewhere between the consistency of wall paper paste and instant oatmeal when you forget to add a little extra water and cook it in the microwave.

Item to get:
Nothing. I did once get a chicken mole burrito without cheese and was able to choke it down.










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Monday, April 07, 2008

4-8-8


I'll post a review as soon as I get it in my hands.

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