The old man shuffle

Do you ever wonder what kind of old person you'll be?

I am obviously well travelled down the path to Old Coot.
That guy that wear overalls and a work shirt in the middle of summer.
Doing things like throwing rocks at squirels, cutting down my neighbors trees because they are infested with birds, and making up worthless home improvement projects like painting the driveway.

Do you know who you will be when you're 80?

-Cat lady. The kind that smells like pee, and saves all your trash by methodically pulling it apart and stuffing it piece by piece into old Grape Sunkist bottles.

-fat couple. Still together after all these years, with wrap around sunglasses on your regular sunglasses, and the lady with matching tracksuit and the guy with sansabelt slacks and an off brand izod ripoff golf shirt. Visor sayin' "myrtle beach 98".

-Incoherent bedshitter at a nursing home. Laughing at soap operas, and smoothing out your covers because your son will "be here any minute".

-One of those totally cool grannies that's into yoga and looks like she's 60. All wearing a bun and making vegan cookies.

-dead at 65, because you were a horrible drunk that spent 25 years telling one joke. the joke that begins and end with you saying "HOT ENOUGH FOR YA!" and then slapping the jokee on the back. And asking if they "like girls".


The world is our oyster, and I'm pretty sure we're all the type of people who would squandor it.