Revenge of the Nerds, in Reverse
It's been so long, I've practically forgot how to bitch.
You can thank this post for my recent experience with temp agencies. Let's start with the one that won't stop calling me. I tell them what I'm looking for, they ply me with offers in catering. It's like they don't listen. My favorite story from this agency comes courtesy of a conversation with a staffing agent late last week. In a too-chipper voice, he asked what I thought of "data entry." Perhaps too candidly, I responded, "It makes me want to kill myself." Now, I need a job and I'm willing to lower my standards. But goddamn (and apologies to data entry professionals), but somethings are just not gonna happen.
Another favorite came earlier this morning when a "staffing agent," otherwise known as "idiot tool" told me after "reviewing" my resume that she didn't have anything to offer me because I lacked the required two consecutive years of experience. I was with my former company three plus years (if you count all the internships, which is, apparently, where she stopped reading). She also said my layout was "horrible." "It looks like a narrative," she offered. Uh, maybe she could read it? Maybe all that text was on the verge of making her brain explode? She offered all sorts of helpful suggestions. I bit my lip: in a very un-Sudslike manner, I wanted to rip her face off right through the phone--wires, cables, poles, and all.
Not only am I very likely way more qualified than most candidates that send their 16-point half-page resumes to that office, but I am probably also way better-looking. Can a girl get a break in this town?
Send your worst temp agencies stories here and we can quietly sob together over the morons that preside over our destinies.
You can thank this post for my recent experience with temp agencies. Let's start with the one that won't stop calling me. I tell them what I'm looking for, they ply me with offers in catering. It's like they don't listen. My favorite story from this agency comes courtesy of a conversation with a staffing agent late last week. In a too-chipper voice, he asked what I thought of "data entry." Perhaps too candidly, I responded, "It makes me want to kill myself." Now, I need a job and I'm willing to lower my standards. But goddamn (and apologies to data entry professionals), but somethings are just not gonna happen.
Another favorite came earlier this morning when a "staffing agent," otherwise known as "idiot tool" told me after "reviewing" my resume that she didn't have anything to offer me because I lacked the required two consecutive years of experience. I was with my former company three plus years (if you count all the internships, which is, apparently, where she stopped reading). She also said my layout was "horrible." "It looks like a narrative," she offered. Uh, maybe she could read it? Maybe all that text was on the verge of making her brain explode? She offered all sorts of helpful suggestions. I bit my lip: in a very un-Sudslike manner, I wanted to rip her face off right through the phone--wires, cables, poles, and all.
Not only am I very likely way more qualified than most candidates that send their 16-point half-page resumes to that office, but I am probably also way better-looking. Can a girl get a break in this town?
Send your worst temp agencies stories here and we can quietly sob together over the morons that preside over our destinies.
posted by Suds at 12:10 PM
10 Comments:
I was unemployed 6 years ago (and played TONS of disc as a result), and as part of the pennance for collecting unemployment was required to apply for 1 job a week. One of the "job" postings I applied for actually led me to a temp agency that didn't have any such "job" available. I had never been to a temp agency before (or since, for that matter) so I didn't really know what was going on. They made me take some sort of 1-page quiz to test my attention to detail & ability to read measurements & whatnot. And they had my resume as well, so they knew I had bartending experience, but I told them I did NOT want to tend bar anymore, and I was not willing to work nights either. 3 years of that was enough. So about a week later they called to offer me a one-time bartending gig from 10pm-2am.
After that I started dodging their calls.
In college, I had some interesting job search experience. For instance, I attended the notorious door to door Cutco knife demonstration that was sold as an "interview."
I also went to a temp agency only because the agent was a girl that I always had a crush on from high school. Sure, she was probably just using me to meet quotas by sending me to my only telemarketing job ever...of course awful. Let India have the jobs. In any event, I guess I got even years later when I hooked up with her a couple of times by mixing cold medicine and beer and pissing on her bedroom floor in the middle of the night. Maybe I was cut out for telemarketing.
Suds, don't worry about getting a job. Just live off of Steve and get really good at frisbee.
Unit is right, Suds. I expect you to have all of Dan's throws by the beginning of next season.
Also, how about individualized plyo plans for each team member? I would like mine to focus on increased vertical jump and quickness.
You should, additionally, determine the corresponding jazz musician for each teammate. I'll get you started, several are very easy; Kyle is Charlie Parker (The Bird), I am Sun Ra (a complete space case).
My personalized plyo plan can be don't do them because they are dumb and don't help.
Ah, unit, you are confused! I don't think you have actually ever done plyos. What you have been taught to believe are plyos tend to actually be simple warm up routines.
Why am I have a good mark? Because I have good lateral quickness and balance. Why do I have such quickness? Because I designed and executed a plyometric exercise routine which trained the muscles I use for lateral motion to load and store energy more efficiently. It also trained them to fire more quickly, transitioning them from the long to medium twitch of a distance runner (which I used to be) to quick twitch.
Oh, job search, I've never had, nor applied for, a real job, so I don't have any horror stories.
I walked out of the lobby of the one temp agency I entered. Never to go back again........
How about Starbucks Suds? healthcare, and coffee........or maybe JavaMama can hook you up -- Kenji?
I can just hear princess now "I don't do dishes."
I kid, I kid. Although I am certain Stef would be a wonderful addition to the Java Mama empire, even friendly, bubbly Janet was worn down to the point of surliness by then end of her tenure. We have fun, but Suds might enjoy data entry more than trying to explain to people that iced cappuccinos really don't make that much sense.
Also the morning crew loves them some trance. 4 on the floor, baby!
i used a temp agency to end up working in a corn factory driving a fork lift.
temp agencies rock.
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