HISTORIC ELECTION

NOTE: I DIDN'T DRAW THIS BUT WISH I DID.
BUT IF I DID, I WOULDN'T HAVE SCREWED UP AND LEFT OFF LBJ.
I DO LIKE THE 2 GROVER CLEVELANDS THOUGH.

This isn't over yet. Just because your candidate won does not mean the fight is over. There is still a lot of work to be done to fix this great nation. Over the past year we have focused on character, and personality, and looks, but not much on the issues. Especially not my issues. And I have a lot of issues.
I'd like to tell you about them. Here is my 16 point plan to focus on in the coming 4 years. I would say coming 8 years, but I don't want my policies to take that long to implement.

1-There need to be major tax breaks to people who by hybrid cars that look like the ZZtop dragster. Also a scientific study should be undertaken to see if the girls who appeared in the ZZtop videos from the "Eliminator" and "Afterburner" albums were supposed to be ZZtop as women, or just their psychic familiars attuned to wish granting, because that would seriously change some of my adolescent erotic fantasies. For the worse.

2-Those Hiway Deth Krosses should be banned. I always look at them when I pass and it is probably a safety hazard.

3-A worldwide trade embargo should be enforced against Husker Du until they either reform and go on tour again, or at the very least have somebody remix "Land Speed Record". I also think they should have to go back into the studio and re-record "Warehouse" with Steve Albini.

4-The CIA should assassinate Mike Brown and install Cris Collinsworth as the Owner/GM of the Bengals.

5-Ban Comic Sans font.

6-Change the word "abortion" to just "bortion". I know it's just semantics, but people would still say "A Bortion" for a while because they would forget the name change, and saying that makes it sound like one, instead of possibly a bunch, so that would cut down on them and make everyone happy without impinging on women's rights.

7-Before I go, I just want to know, what's that number one birthday sign?


8-I don't really like any type of censorship, but I really think there should be more rules about limiting porn involving vomit. Everyone draws a line somewhere, and I draw it there. I would be willing be involved in a senatorial committee to discuss pee and poo and their use in porn though.


9-We have a national anthem. We do not have a National Theme though. Luckily I have narrowed it down to two choices. Take your pick. Optimally these two songs would be played in everyone's house before they go to bed. Or maybe one at night and one in the morning.



10-Steroids should be legal in professional sports, but not amateur. This is Laura's idea. Not mine, that's why it isn't as fleshed out as my brilliant proposals above.


That's what I've got for now. Luckily we will finally have the man in charge who can take control like we need.