Epiphany
I witnessed a pretty amazing display of biking acumen today on my way to get some celebratory pie at the Half and Half. A bike messenger on a fixey with toe clips stopped at the light right in front of me and balanced perfectly while waiting. I was impressed. I was even more impressed when his radio went off and he took one hand off the handlebar to answer it, all while still balancing.
Later today I was riding my bike up Barbur, returning from class. No hurries, not going particularly fast. My vision got a little funny, but nothing major. Then it got worse. Then my eyelashes felt something. Extensive blinking did not solve the problem. Soon it became clear that my contact had fallen out and was caught in the space between my face and my sunglasses. I decided that was the best place for it right then, and kept biking. I could see it and it didn't seem to be moving, so I figured I could make it all the way home before doing anything with it. Then, right before the big hill, it moved an inch to the right. This was concerning, as it was now much closer to freedom. Blinking and scrunching made it worse, but I could not grasp it with my fingers. Then it moved again, this time out of my sight. I had to stop. Luckily it was still stuck to the inside of my glasses. Really stuck too, and very dried out. What should I do with it? I can't carry it the rest of the way. I can't put it in my pocket. Obviously there was only one place it could go, so into my mouth it went. It immediately stuck to the roof of my mouth.
Off I rode. However it soon became clear that there were complications. I could not get enough air through my nose. I couldn't see very well. I didn't want to swallow. I didn't want to open my mouth to breath. I was climbing a steep hill. This rapidly became the most difficult thing I have ever done on a bike. Three things became clear to me: you never stop being a dork, you can only hide it well, I am not that good at biking, and it is time to get laser surgery.
Later today I was riding my bike up Barbur, returning from class. No hurries, not going particularly fast. My vision got a little funny, but nothing major. Then it got worse. Then my eyelashes felt something. Extensive blinking did not solve the problem. Soon it became clear that my contact had fallen out and was caught in the space between my face and my sunglasses. I decided that was the best place for it right then, and kept biking. I could see it and it didn't seem to be moving, so I figured I could make it all the way home before doing anything with it. Then, right before the big hill, it moved an inch to the right. This was concerning, as it was now much closer to freedom. Blinking and scrunching made it worse, but I could not grasp it with my fingers. Then it moved again, this time out of my sight. I had to stop. Luckily it was still stuck to the inside of my glasses. Really stuck too, and very dried out. What should I do with it? I can't carry it the rest of the way. I can't put it in my pocket. Obviously there was only one place it could go, so into my mouth it went. It immediately stuck to the roof of my mouth.
Off I rode. However it soon became clear that there were complications. I could not get enough air through my nose. I couldn't see very well. I didn't want to swallow. I didn't want to open my mouth to breath. I was climbing a steep hill. This rapidly became the most difficult thing I have ever done on a bike. Three things became clear to me: you never stop being a dork, you can only hide it well, I am not that good at biking, and it is time to get laser surgery.
posted by kenji at 3:56 PM
8 Comments:
In Africa, peeps carry crap on their head...heavy crap. You see women with tall water jugs, children with backbacks (yes they ignore the backstraps)....however, I saw the most amazing instance which relates to the biking skill listed in the post. While driving through a small town in Tanzania, I saw a man riding a bike. Remember, their bikes are not the state of the art, future shock bikes we have here... they are the discards of the developed world. They mostly look like 50s-60s Schwinn cruisers, many with no brakes. Well this man was riding his bike...down a steeply graded hill (25-30% or so)...while avoiding the unregulated third-world traffic...WHILE balancing a box on his head! Truly amazing.
Back in JrHi, Sam Johnson bunny hopped me, Rob Fancher, Andrea Goans and a backpack.
I thought that was the greatest bike trick ever.
I once saw an entire family on a broken-down cruiser in Nicaragua. I vowed to try it when I got back home but I couldn't find any takers.
Both members of midgetron have laser vision. I'd have to say it's pretty much the best thing ever.
I'm w/ you Kenji.....but unlike the midgetron (who both make gobs of money), I'm on a long term savings plan for the eyeballs. Can't wait!
I once had a mosquito plastered to my contact lens while biking. And I've had one too many nights waking up from a drunken stupor only to find my contacts glued to my eyes. Priorites, priorites.
before I had soft lenses, I wore hard gas permeable lenses for at least 10 years. Once while snowboarding my contact came off my eye, but was stuck under my lid, mid-mountain. Eye fluttering and twitching ensued, I had to stop as it was tough enough to see with the wintery conditions, let alone all blinky squinchy (yes, I think I made up that word). So I get the contact out of my eyelid (sweet sweet relief) but now it's in my ungloved hand. The wind is blowing, my hands are getting cold, there's no where good to keep it, and there's no good way to even attempt to stick it back in my eye, as it surely would have blown the second I put it on my finger. I stick it in my mouth, completely concentrate on not biting (mind you it's hard, like having the shell of a skittle in your mouth, but not near as sweet) and not swallowing. Eventually make my way down the mountain or at least to a sheltered area where I then take the spit covered contact and stick it back in my eye and continue playing on the mountain.
I once had a contact lens disapear. I assumed it had fallen out, so I took out the other one, put on my glasses and went to a concert. 2 hours later the contact reappeared. It turned out it had stuck to the inside of my eyelid, migrated to the top of my eyeball and hung out there for a while. When I took it out it was coated in disgusting green goo, somewhere between snot and phlegm. It was dusgusting, especially as this was apparently something I had a large supply of in my head.
I once awoke after a night of drinking to discover that I only removed one of my contacts, and had stored it in a small glass jar with a dead fly. I put it in. Maybe that is where all that eye goo came from.
Our friend of Romanian origin wore hard contacts for years and his regular way of washing before wearing was to swish it around in his mouth. Others that wore these currently or previously at the time used to cringe at even the thought.
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