Can't Stop the Shinin'

Day 3
Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head. Is that from something? Showered and got to use my shampoo, washcloth, and conditioner from my commissary. I think the shampoo is antibacterial hand soap and the conditioner is hand lotion. My hair has a great sheen, like Charlie… I mean Kasey.

Let me explain the shower scenario. There is no group shower (halleluiah); there are individual showers. However, there is not much room to move around much, so each shower is like playing a human game of Operation. I very carefully wash, all the time balancing perfectly so not to touch the walls of the shower. If I touch the wall, eeerrrrrr, the buzzer sounds. I lose and on top of that I get some strange prison shower disease. Maybe scurvy or the gout; I don’t know what these are, but they sound bad.

Not much going on; I have learned some information, but only from videos. Counselors seem to be in short supply for us two 10 dayers! New 30-60 day mofos keep coming – a couple per day. I talked to two today; they were alright. They did not resent me like the others. One is 20 years old and has two DUIs. He seems to be a generally good kid, but is full of shit. He is stuck between being open and easy and being the hard rock badass jailbait. He imitates the others when around them. The other guy is the former president of Kroger’s son. He went to college at Virginia Tech and worked for Coke for years. He now works his own business out of his parents’ house in Kenwood. He has very thin hair on top of his head, but not in one spot, all over. Female pattern baldness, like my grandma has. He is easy and somewhat intellectual to talk to, but he is not afraid to mention his rich daddy and that he worked with a fortune 500 company. Daddy’s little boy thinks that there is no way they will keep him in here past 30 days. Besides these quirks, he is tolerable. Oh, by the way. He has three DUIs; two in three months. (Later in my stay, I heard him lying and telling peeps that he only has 2 DUIs total) He also dropped the fact that he was on a baseball scholarship in college and that he has had a brand new BMW (which he wrecked in his last DUI). The more and more I write, the more and more he bugs the shit out of me.

I went in my room and Ike (my 5’ tall, 48 year old roomy) was hanging in the corner window as usual. I started to talk to him and realized he is a good man. Has a wife of 25 years, three kids all grown and out of the house, owns his house, and has four cars. All he wants to do is get home to his wife. He has at least two weeks left. He has four DUIs total, and at least the gap between the last two was 11 years. We chatted and watched Woodburn for about a half an hour. I kept thinking of Kim and Kasey. I can relate to some of the feelings of these men, but not to their actions. Most have serious family problems and have nothing else going.
I feel a bit brainwashed because I watch these videos and hear the stories from the AA leads. Even though I have not done any of their deeds, I can’t help but imagine myself as them. I am almost tricking myself into thinking I am out of control. BACK TO REALITY! I do stupid shit because of ignorant “live the moment” spontaneity. Overdue the moment. My problem blankets everything in my life, but it is clearly not an alcohol problem. Mine is a habit problem. Change habits for good and end periodic stupidity.