Thursday, November 30, 2006

SUBMIT YOUR OWN

Monday, November 27, 2006

Child Protective Services

I was telling a good friend of mine a story about my 2yr 3mos old daughter that I thought was funny involving her jumping on the loveseat and disappearing over the arm. My wife and I were cracking up. To preface, my daughter did not get hurt and only whimpered because it scared her until, of course, she got back up and continued her antics.
Here is the issue...what I find as a humorous story could be construed completely different depending upon delivery and audience perspective. First, we tell company that she is not allowed to jump on the furniture when she actually does it all the time. She has proven to be very agile for her age and has earned some wiggle room on the rules, but outsiders don't know this and we pretend that it is not the case. Further, as I told the story, it definitely could have been seen as a form of parental neglect...we sat there and watched our daughter carry out an activity that could easily result in some type of injury. So...when I tell my "humorous" stories about my kids, are the listeners cringing and preparing to call authorities?
Realistically, this is not outsides the bounds of parneting and common childhood experiences and I know that we are the best parents in the world. My friend supported my question though in a story about playing with his nephews and the perspective of those watching the rough housing. For me, it comes down to the fact that I truly see my daughters as an extension of myself, and I feel very capable and transpose this to them. We will see how this approach plays out.
You can't prove anything!

VH1'S BEHIND THE MUSIC

What ever happened to the Birdflag Blog? Up until 10 days ago it was vibrant bustling culturre of information, seen by many as the most important site in the internet. Now, barren and unused, tallying ony 17 total hits in the past week. Much like the infamous bursting bubble of the late 90s dotcom crash, the story is an intriguing mix of hubris, and plain old jealousy.

In late 2006, Birdflag Blog seemed on top of the world. The recent posts concerning such diverse topics as politics, shaving gel, and Jack Palance were garnering upwards of 2 to 3 comments each. Some people even talked about the blog outside of where they saw the blog on the computer. It was Salad Days for sure, but they would not last. Experts would point out in hindsight that the posting was entirely representative of one man, and his megalomaniacal heavy handedness was stifling the other seven members of the posting board.

What happened to the rest of the posters was the harbinger of the death knell of birdflag blog. Too many posts became gimics, either with too much effort spent on images, or on being way too clever for their own good. Soon the audience dried up and the new posts went with them.

Kenji-
Only had one good idea. And trying to look like Mr. T as a hassidic Jew wasn’t it.

L-boogie-
Rumored to be nom de plume of other author. No one that great would associate with the other rabble on the blog.

The Cruise-
Alienated everyone else.

T-Unit-
Attmepted voyage to parts unknown.

Raindog-
Got a real job, couldn’t waste time writing anymore.

Scrooner-
Relegated his contribution to comments only.

Suds-
Terminally drunk after political victories. (spends 98% of her time of googlechat with her boyfriend.)

Ajparrillo-
The most gifted and verbose poster was fired by new management trying to silence his voice of reason.

Was this the end of birdflag blog? Only time will tell.
Rumors have surfaced that it the recent buy out of the blog by FreeRepublic.com will transform the focus on the posts to either error filled rants of random bigotry, or reviews of children’s board games.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Your Friday is Important

There's been a lot of talk in town about who's the better statue guy.
Mr.Statue:


or

Umbrella Man:




But the real question on everyone's mind is,

Who the hell is this guy?


and why did he move to Portland?

Monday, November 13, 2006

I No Longer Need A Job

The other day, I bought some Gillette shaving gel at Fred Meyers. The kind for tough beards. Not necessarily because I have a tough beard, but more because the orange accent on the can would look better on my bathroom shelf.
When I got home, ready for a nice hot shave, the can sputtered and delivered no gel. The weight told me it was full; the lack of gel told me it was broken. I was forced to shave with Ivory soap, and that my friends does not quite afford the same level of comfort.
With the receipt obviously lost to the winds, there could be a reckoning to return the malignant vessel of non-gel deliveration. I came up with an ingenious plan, buy a new can of the exact same thing, and return the old one.
Buying a new can was pease (I tested this one in store to make sure it worked, the squirt of gel in aisle 3 is proof of my experiment). I also bought some new blades so I wouldn’t aggravate my face. Fortunately enough, there was a fitty cent coupon off of my purchase, so my 2.99 can only cost 2.49 on my discover card.
The next day I returned the old can with the new receipt, and was handed three, one (1) dollar bills. I was agog. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Imagine my surprise, it was as surprising as a girly touching me on my front bottom. The trick was that Fred Meyer’s in store coupons show up at the bottom of the receipt as unattached generic discounts. There was no way to track what the reduction was on. So not only did I scam The Man out of the penny they couldn’t be bothered to make change for, I was a sly fox and raked in a cool extra fifty cents for my clever use of coupon cutting.

In summary: I made FIFTY ONE cents, with little to no actual work on my part.
Easy street here I come.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Contest: 2006



Here's your chance to be a star. This week's contest is to write a story, 50 word max, post it in the comments. You will not be graded on grammar, but spelling counts.

What's the worst 10 dollars you ever spent?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I have a bad feeling about this.

But I'm pretty sure Jack Palance is going to pass away tomorrow.



Mr. Palance starred in:
Shane
"The Man from U.N.C.L.E."
"Buck Rogers in the 25th Century"
Young Guns
Batman
Tango & Cash
and he was the host of my favorite TV show of all time
Ripley's Believe It or Not!

Political article about Mr. Palance

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Now: On Frontline

Point: This man lost his job today. He is sad.



Counterpoint: His wife miscarried a child and they brought it home to hang out with it. He is a loon.


WELCOME TO HELL, YOU BITCHES



Still waiting for word on the Senate, but with the DemonRats now controlling the House, get ready for mandatory abortions, God being illegal, and Homos humping the playgrounds.

We're in for 2 long years of misery.

THIS POST FUNDED BY THE PEOPLE WHO PUT US IN THIS FUCKING MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE, THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, CELEBRATING 100 STRAIGHT YEARS OF NOT BEING ANYTHING LIKE LINCOLN.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Democratic Repubication in Progress

All the high powered blogs that generate revenue are about one of three things.
1-Politics
2-Insider stuff about work
3-Nudity.

I’m working on a fantastic work blog post for next week, no one wants to see me naked, so I’m left with one option.
Politics. It is Erection season, so I’m up for it.

Here goes:
The main thing about this season is it’s all about issues, it’s no longer about left or right or right or wrong or the two party system or muck raking ads. It’s the issues.

Here’s the main issues as I see them.

Issue 67:
Why are there so many ugly fat people?
Republicans would euthanize them. That’s a plus.
Democrats would set up social programs to make them less fat and ugly.

I like the forward thinking on the Dem’s side, but I’m not worried about my future beautiful kids having to look at ugly people, I’m worried about me having to see them now. Republicans win this one.

Issue 48:
Soup.
It’s the best. If it weren’t for soup, and things that can be put inside a burrito and thai food, I would starve to death.
I’m currently looking through the pamphlets supplied by the League of Women Voters to see where both parties currently stand on How Great Soup Is.
Oregon is a swing state, don’t let our soup needs go to hell.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Maybe now the curtain is visible.

I just viewed the HBO documentary, "Hacking Democracy." Besides briefly hitting on some voter irregularities and inequities, it follows an organization, Black Box Voting, and their thorough and well documented investigations into voting technologies, especially Diebold. They hired credible researchers to do the technical work, which has been substantiated by independent researchers. It comes down to the fact that our democracy is now more than ever a farce due to the proprietary designation of computer counting and balloting. There are human issues already, but the documentary shows the fallible and hackable nature of these machines provided by a company that has direct monetary connections to political parties and persons. See it if you can...or find some of the research that has been conducted for it has been eeking out here and there before this documentary has aired. It is interesting to say the least, but shocking in the ramifications of the investigations...I literally cried.