FUNNY PAPER FOLLIES

PUZZLE SOLVED





PUZZLE SOLVED

This is a Test

First: Read the set-up.

It was Mother's Day. Anna and her brother had told their mother to stay in bed that morning. She read her book and looked forward to breakfast. After a long wait she finally went downstairs. Anna and her brother were both eating at the table.

Now: Choose the correct punchline.

a) Anna said: "Hi mum, we didn't expect you to be awake so early."
b) Anna picked up an egg and smashed it on her brother's head.
c) Her brother said: "We have a new teacher at our school."
d) Anna said: "It's a surprise for Mother's Day. We cooked our own breakfast."

Answers are here

YouTube = YouSuck?

This video is why, overall, YouTube sucks. I will give it to the guy paying tribute...it is the people in the background that rub me the wrong way. Even though YouTube has been valuable to me, I base my entire opinion of the site on the peeps in the background of this "performance." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbweZXOGqyg
Is YouTube valuable to society or more clutter?

The Cactus with Handsome Boy

I must update you all on a quality program being offered by VH1. I originally saw a snippit of a commercial for it and scoffed, but accidentially stumbled upon it and am a regular viewer. It is call "Ego Trips/The (White) Rapper Show". The show is your standard elimination "reality" competition to find the next white rapper which will win $100,000. This is the premise at which I originally scoffed. However....drum roll....the producers landed MC Search of 3rd Bass (perhaps the most reputable white rap duo of their time) and legendary rap producer Prince Pa-haul (his production of De La Soul's innagural album changed the direction of rap albums) as host and regular contributer. This duo may not be necessary nor sufficient for this show to capture an audience, but it works. It seems they like to use the contestants as guinney pigs, some of which are descent, and poke fun at the overall idea of the show. It works in many respects.

What it all comes down to 1. I love Prince Paul/Native Tongues and anything related, 2. I really like 3rd Bass (I liked Prime Minister Pete Nice) being a white kid who only liked rap at one point in my life, and 3. I fancy myself an undercover MC. I am 33 years old and I freestyle during the breaks of everysong I listen to...when I am alone or with my daughters.

Death On Video

Speaking of embarassing moments, witness here the death of Billy Squier's career:



From Wikipedia: "Squier revealed that his career as a chart-topping rocker came to a stunningly rapid and sudden end with the release of the music video for "Rock Me Tonite", universally derided by his fans (who saw him as a guitar hero) for its effeminate set (a bedroom dressed in soft, pastel fabrics) and Squier's bizarre, vaguely homoerotic prancing and ripping of his clothing, reminiscent of Jennifer Beals' performance in the film "Flashdance". The video was a demolishing blow to Squier's image among his fans, who deserted him virtually overnight. Billy confirmed that his career didn't recover after that video."

Is there a better example of career-killing video footage? Let's see it. I love this stuff.

Does "The Cruise" need to explain any of his actions in Cincinnati? I don't even remember what this was aboot. He's Grrrrrreat!

Ohio

Since Kyle was too fridge-focused to post a proper wrap up of his trip home to Ohio with new girlfriend in tow. I will do it here. To me everything east of say Colorado is "East Coast" and Ohio and Kentucky definately are....they take a long time to reach on a plane, and it feels even longer when it's a red eye interrupted by a 4 hour layover in Mineapolis.

Many of you have your doubts about the farm, and the "stuff," and this guy they call Adam. I can now attest that it is all true. Below is a bulleted recap. Any my apologies for not getting video proof or even photo proof.

• Riding the "mule" I believe it was called up the driveway because the Prius' clearance wasn't high enough with baggage to clear the rutted gravel driveway. The mule is like a super-golf cart. And then having Kyle drive us in the Mary Kay golf cart. The same goft cart that was the culprit for Kyle's dad's ankle injury.
  
• Private guest quarters in the "fair house." A separte mini-manufactured type home. Very cute and totally cool. Kyle's mom partially unfolded the hide-a-bed, but we didn't use it, hopefully she didn't notice.
  
• Sheep, alpaca, and donkeys are prehistoric looking. I don't often find myself amongst hooven creatures, they are weird looking, and make strange noises. We took an alpaca for a walk, but it was afraid of the water so we didn't get too far.
  
• I got fleece pajamas and a robe from his mom. And I think she would have unloaded more stuff on me had I shown any inclination of interest.
  
• Yes, they have a lot of stuff, more stuff than I think my family has ever had our entire lives. But eBay is a wonder of modern technology.
  
• Games -- they have a crap load of games, and even in our sleep deprived state the parents wanted to play games all night. I gave up after one game.
  
• Cincinatti is cool, Kyle shows me the sights, a bar where they know his name, and a magical CD store.
  
• The wedding was nice, we ate and drank and generally went unnoticed.
  
• We also visited my mom's cousin who let us change before the wedding. Thanks Cherry!
  
• Adam and his wife invited us for new year's eve with their friends. Games and drinks and prizes ensued. I got a Kenny Rogers DVD, Kyle got a Starbucks card. Something obviously wrong with that picture. Adam left "pubes" on the bathroom sink. Brought back fond high school memories, thanks Adam.
  
• 2 extra suitcases later filled with cuisinart and cuisinart accessorites, games, blankets, and other random stuff, we made it home.
  

Ohio only slightly still sucks in my book b/c of the last presidental election, and now because I could not find decent coffee on New Year's Day.

Elvis or Buddy Holly?

In the Pulp Fiction script (though not in the movie), Mia Wallace shares a theory with Vincent Vega: "My theory is that when it comes to important subjects, there's only two ways a person can answer. For instance, there's two kinds of people in this world, Elvis people and Beatles people. Now Beatles people can like Elvis. And Elvis people can like the Beatles. But nobody likes them both equally. Somewhere you have to make a choice. And that choice tells me who you are."

Interesting question, but it's the wrong question. A better contemporary of Elvis is Buddy Holly. The Beatles chose their name in homage to Buddy Holly's band The Crickets, and Holly was a huge influence on Lennon & McCartney. McCartney himself said that at least their first 40 songs were directly influenced by Holly's music. Holly was a huge influence on a number of other artists despite having a career of only 18 months before he died, and some folks have said he may well have been bigger than Elvis had he lived.

So....Elvis?



Or Buddy Holly?

two of my favorite things

Fixing things on the fly like Dirk Benedict

I'm sure you all want to hear tales of my visit to the midwest for new years.
My homecoming anecdotes are always hilarious, aren't they.
so here goes.
We saw Louis Andersen at the Minnesota airport. My ex got married and looked very happy. We came home. How do you like that wrap up?

Pretty cold huh? pretty short?

That's because I came home to a busted fridge. A busted fridge that made me throw out over 300 dollars worth of food.

But you know what I did? I fixed it. That's right, no thanks to no help from Dabone, and my miserly refusal to pay Standard TV and Appliance 70 dollars for a site visit and 12 dollars for every ten minutes of on site time, I got the thing runing again.
It turns out there is a special part called the compressor starter that can be replaced with a 3-in-1. It's like the liver, or the spleen of a fridge. So now my fridge has a pacemaker all crazy wired in there. It should be breaking again in 3 months or so I guess, because this is the first electrical device that I have ever taken apart and gotten working again.



The aftermath, the first ice cube comes out! Full Success.

"Civilization is Ice"-Allie Fox



Only problem now, is I have a severe case of Frat Boy Fridge. That is an embarassment to my culinary tastes. Doesn't everything look lonely?

Beervent!!!

Ain't Kyle sweet? (New Kyle, that is.) He gave me a Beervent calendar. I'm posting the reviews. Old Kyle would have given me 4 empty High Life tall boys, then infered I liked to eat "Danimal Sausage".

Bureaucracy

The following are two work emails I received meant to combat the exhorbitant waste of paper rampaging through our office.

EMAIL#1
--------------------------------------------------
OK folks, I have to remind you once again.

Jake just went through all the printouts next to the 5000, and there are many prints that have been sitting there, for the last few days.

I am to remind you, that the wasted paper for prints that apparently have no purpose, are also a waste of our few resources to buy better equipment.

If you do not need a printout of something, THEN DON'T PRINT IT!! Each week we throw away 30 to 50 pages of printouts that are left at the printer. This may not seem like much, but it does cost money over time. Use your brain, consider if you really need a hard-copy. If you don't, then don't print.

I am looking into installing a program that will print your user name on all prints from the 5000 so we can track who is wasting the most. Don't be the fall guy, print only what you need, and pick it up pronto.

Wilbur Thomas, Network Administrator

EMAIL#2
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be able to track prints logically, the 5000 now prints a separator page, that shows the User, Date printed, and Time printed. This way, I will know who to deliver the print job to if is not picked up. The tray next to the printer jobs is for putting the separator page so it can be turned into note pads for the office.

Wilbur Thomas, Network Administrator


At the end of the first two days there were over a hundred separator pages piled up in the recycling tray. They looked like this:

Sexy numbers

I like math, it's pretty cool.
So I wanted to make like a top ten list of sexy numbers, numbers that are a little bit naughty and make me feel special.

In no particular order.

26-because that's my lowest level of someone I'm willing to talk to with romantic intentions. (18 is crazy, girls that age are insufferable and not the least bit attractive on an emotional level)

5-because in profile it looks like the chin of a hot lady going down into hot breasts.

Pi- sometimes the vajosha of a hot lady is also called "pie". That makes it sexy.

69-it looks like swirly googly eyes, kind of like when a cartoon wolf checks out a hot lady.

I-it's like the square root of negative one, but it's also me, and I think I'm sexy.

Billion-rhymes with brazillian, which is when hot ladies shave their vajoshas.

Trois- it's the French way to say two hot ladies and a dude doin' it. I don't think it works with two dudes and a hot lady. That's gross, not sexy.

37-this is a number that I arbitrarily assigned to doggie style.

Wow. I ran out of numbers. You should finish my list by adding your own into the comment section.