They've been out for a while now, Mitt.

Who says Romney is a pandering robot? I do...he just needs a firmware update.


I prefer Stephen Colbert's interpretation of Romney as Guy Smiley from Sesame Street.

Musical Quiz

Which of the following are the names of Emo Bands?
Which of the following are lyrics from Elvis Costello?

Alone In The Bone Orchard
This Battle With The Bottle
Boys Like Girls
Cat Call And Wolf Whistle
Charged With Insults
Christie Front Drive
City of Caterpillar
Clammy And Cunning
Cruel To Be Callous
Dog Fight Like Rose And Thistle
Dying To Be Tortured
Empty Gin Palace
Four Hundred Years
Funeral for a Friend
Further Seems Forever
The Glib Replies The Same Defeats
History Repeats The Old Conceits
Hope In Hades
I Hate Myself
Jimmy Eat World
Just The Oily Slick
Long Since Forgotten
Make It Californias Fault
Matchbook Romance
Moves With Malice
My American Heart
Nothing So Novel
Portraits of Past
The Promise Ring
Rainer Maria
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Red Letter Day (band)
Rites of Spring
Saves the Day
This Seemed So Appealing
Sense Field
Smiles Very Sweetly
Sunny Day Real Estate
Texas Is the Reason
Very Fashionable Hovel
On The Windup World

You have ten minutes, grades will be on a curve.

I saved my Favorite Spam

My favorite one from a few years ago was

"WE E'RECT HUG-E SKIIN TOWER"

Hypotheticals

-WHAT TYPE OF FACIAL HAIR WOULD I HAVE TO GROW BEFORE LBOOGIE WOULD DUMP ME?

-BONUS: HOW MANY BEERS WOULD I HAVE TO AVERAGE A WEEK BEFORE SAME?
-EXTA SPECIAL BONUS: HOW MUCH WHISKEY WOULD IT TAKE?

-IF THE JETSONS* WAS REAL AND YOU COULD GET FOOD OUT OF A MACHINE WOULD YOU EAT IT?

*IF YOU ARE EVEN MORE OF A NERD, SUBSTITUTE STAR TREK FOR JETSONS.


-IF DABONE FINALLY SHAVED, WOULD HE LOOK LIKE HUCKLEBERRY HOUND?

Freakazoid

To conclude my Friday, I was poking around about scientology...refreshing myself on how crazy it is, even moreso than other "religions." I ran across this site that had L Ron Hubbard recordings from his Scientology lectures. HOLY SHIDOODOO! Part of me, even though I already knew of the insane belief of past alien conquerer Xenu, thought that there must be something remotely rational involved as to appeal to people. I mean, it has ganered a following, been highly profitable, has spurred spinoff (front) organizations, and has a certain amount of power. These recordings, however, make almost no sense whatsoever. I recognize English words and fairly logically constructed sentences spattered with recognizable figures and concepts, but it is absolute gobilygook! How the hell does this catch on with a founder/profit who was seemingly borderline retarded? I am absolutely amazed by the sheer nonsensical wanderings of this guy....its like there is absolutley no effort being expended. AT LEAST TRY! Interestingly this lessens my opinion of people and of a society that somehow produces individuals that listen to this and say, "yeah, right on!" I think L Ron Hubbard is my new hero...starting a new religion with no semblance of thought or effort...brilliant!

Zip your tip!

Discussion topic: Pros and cons of button fly boxers....begin!

Mangalore For President!

Stole the images from scienceblogs. But it was our idea too before we found it.

Revenge of the Nerds, in Reverse

It's been so long, I've practically forgot how to bitch.

You can thank this post for my recent experience with temp agencies. Let's start with the one that won't stop calling me. I tell them what I'm looking for, they ply me with offers in catering. It's like they don't listen. My favorite story from this agency comes courtesy of a conversation with a staffing agent late last week. In a too-chipper voice, he asked what I thought of "data entry." Perhaps too candidly, I responded, "It makes me want to kill myself." Now, I need a job and I'm willing to lower my standards. But goddamn (and apologies to data entry professionals), but somethings are just not gonna happen.

Another favorite came earlier this morning when a "staffing agent," otherwise known as "idiot tool" told me after "reviewing" my resume that she didn't have anything to offer me because I lacked the required two consecutive years of experience. I was with my former company three plus years (if you count all the internships, which is, apparently, where she stopped reading). She also said my layout was "horrible." "It looks like a narrative," she offered. Uh, maybe she could read it? Maybe all that text was on the verge of making her brain explode? She offered all sorts of helpful suggestions. I bit my lip: in a very un-Sudslike manner, I wanted to rip her face off right through the phone--wires, cables, poles, and all.

Not only am I very likely way more qualified than most candidates that send their 16-point half-page resumes to that office, but I am probably also way better-looking. Can a girl get a break in this town?

Send your worst temp agencies stories here and we can quietly sob together over the morons that preside over our destinies.

Onion News

Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On

What is your Favorite Sandwhich

Post your favorite directions.

Graduate School

Once again I stayed up way too late because the best movies always air sometime between 12-2am. Last night I watched the Graduate again. I pick up on things each time I watch the film. This last viewing really highlighted the detached nature of Benjamin (yes..this is an obvious theme). So lost and wanting, he latches onto the only other he has recently come into contact with that actually portrays emotion (Elaine breaks down at the strip club during their first date). This then becomes his fixation, especially when the establishment tells him he cannot have her; it becomes his blind objective so much so that he becomes a very creepy stalker. The final "triumphant" sequence of events is superb...exhaltation with obtaining his goal from the church...then darker contemplation by both as they sit on the back of the bus and "sounds of silence" begins. It is almost as if they both are regretting the previous events. In the end, Benjamin ends up with exactly what he was avoiding in the beginning...Elaine. Remember, before his trist with Mrs. Robinson, both sets of parents want to fix them up. In the end, he realizes that his fervor to avoid the status quo has taken him full circle to where he would have been if he would have acquiesced to the establishment.

errata

Due to the excessive amounts of SPAM we keep receiving here, we've decided to disable the comments section until further notice.

Thanks for your patience.

you always remember the first time

My first varsity tennis match was against Greenhills as a sophomore. The only reason I got to play them was because it was the Friday before spring break and all the seniors had left school early.

My first goal in organized hockey was against the Flying Elvises. They had beaten us about four times in a row, but I snaked in a garbage goal off a rebound to tie it up in the second period. I flipped in a second goal in the third period off an almost identical rebound to give us the 3-2 edge, which lead to us winning the division. Those would be my only two goals ever scored in intramural college hockey.

My first real layout D in ultimate came against Toledo in college sectionals during my first tournament. It was on the front come of the endzone, and it would have been a catch, if I hadn’t been landed on by the Toledo player. He called a foul on me to save face even though he contacted me after I had already ht the ground. It was our only win of the tournament.

But in the past few weeks, I probably had my most important sports moment of my career.
I’ve never played basketball in any other setting than pick up games. Except for the city league team that we put together with a former D-1 player, a former D-3 player and a current D- college linebacker. I have no idea what I was supposed to be doing on that team, other than it helps to be good friends with your friends. It was sort of like an amateur Steve Scheffler, or just the guy who always remembers to bring the ref fee.
Anyway, at pickup basketball the other day I had my most amazing moment on the court. Better than getting nuts in my face when dunked on back in college, better than blocking a 6’5 guy, better than somehow touching the rim after an Indian Hill game when Sean Urk bet me I couldn’t, better than hitting two free throws to ice a game…
The people at pick up Chose My Ball. For the first time in my life, the ball that I own was determined to be the best one there.
Every bounce sounded like a timpani from heaven