Winter Olympic Party Review 1 of 3

LB and Mindeaux threw a theme party, and it was probably the best of the new year.
I certainly hesitate to mention a better one at this time. The setup was key, described from right to left of the front door:. Keep the baby and people that aren't that cool in the living room, put the food in the dining room, cluster gauntlet in the kitchen, then heavy drinking in the garage. Ancillary spaces were the basement dancing room, and the bathroom-conveniently located in the backyard, or next to the boring people.

Most people seemed to like the beer, watching girls dance on other girls, the block of ice, the costumes, and the pizza. In that order.
Only complaint seemed to be a total lack of vodka.
But I blame the guests, not the hosts.
Vodka is teh thoedest out that 205.

It was pretty cool that we got some video of the night:

Curling Was Popular This Year

What did you think of the party?

Still sick, but at work now

Damn, I knew I should have waited until today to take my sick day. Because I feel WAY worse today than I did yesterday, and yet today I am at work being all bitchy to everyone.

Mindy took a sick day today...I'm jealous. Hopefully she'll have a more productive one than I did. I have no topic or point of disucssion, except that if I didn't have to blow a whole week of sick time on my stupid knee surgery back in August then I'd probably be home today. Next time I'm actually going to play hooky and enjoy a non-sick day off of work. Maybe I'll get Kyle to ditch with me - and we can take our dad's corvette out on the town and go to museums and eat in fancy french restaurants.

isto é o melhor poste jamais

In the early fifties, Brazilian President Juscelino Kubitschek decided that Rio totally sucked, and ordered the construction of Brasília. It was to be a new city, entirely planned with Modernist thought to propel Brazil through the 20th Century and beyond.
The main urban planner was Lúcio Costa and the chief architect to most of the public buildings was Oscar Niemeyer. Roberto Burle Marx was the landscape designer .

From 1763 to 1960 Rio de Janeiro was the capital of Brazil, and resources tended to be centered on the south east region of Brazil. Brasilia’s geographically central location in the middle of the country made for a more neutral federal capital.


In order to better see the sweeping majesty of the first major city founded entirely on modernist principles, I thought I should go see it for myself. In order to prepare for my upcoming trip, I decided to relearn my high school Spanish in order to fit in with the natives. Imagine my shock, complete utter shock, when my brother informed me that Spanish is in fact not in fact spoken in Brasilia, or the entire country of Brazil for that matter. I took a quick trip up to Powell's to buy myself a Brazillian dictionary to see how closely it resembled Spanish. Once again, I was thwarted.

Get this.

Brazillians don't speak Spanish or Brazillian.

My coworker Sylvia, "Hi Sylvia!*1" is from Peru, and she informed me that they speak what is called "Portugese". Portuga is a country in Europe that is like Spain, but smaller, and it doesn't touch France. Portuguans used to be really fancy, and rich, and so they owned part of Central America. Legend has it that they owned one of the Chris Columbus boats. Probably the Pinta, that was the smaller one. Anyway, they came to Brazil and had a war to conquer all the Mexicans that lived there and made them speak their language. The language of "Portugese." I don't know why they don't go back to speaking Brazillian. It's not like Portuga could fight them and beat them up now. Wouldn't it be weird to be a really big country and have your official language be named after some other country that isn't even important anymore? That's a reciprocal question, and my answer would be yes. You could probably tell it by inferring.

So anyway, I know you all hate to read, so here's a picture of a basketball player from Brazil.



He'd be more popular if he played soccer. Then he would get a nickname that was one name, and no one would call him his real name but his parents.

In summary I can't wait to go on my trip.

Buenos Nachos

*1-I'm typing this at lunch and just said that out loud to her. I typed it too because it was funny that she didn't know I was typing about her.

A Good Way to Address Some Problems

Entertainment Guide #4: The Union will drink to that!

Fill your Tuesday with some bitter irony via Drinking State of the Union!
The rules are simple:
1. Gather politically liberal friends and some good old american beer.
2. Watch Bush's State of the Union Adress on Tuesday evening.
3. Drink every time he says any of the following words: America, homeland, attack, privacy, terrorism/terrorists (feel free to add your own!).
4. (optional) drink anytime he says something stupid, or anytime you want to pound your head on the wall, or anytime he makes you want to drink.
5. (optional) This jovial pasttime can be easily turned into friendly competition, by playing Fantasy Word, where each player picks a word and drinks everytime that word is uttered.

As much as I love and look forward to Drinking State of the Union, I'll miss it this time because a) I don't have a TV, and b) alcohol makes me loose nouns (no kidding) and I'm gonna try to sound intelligent on Wednesday.

By the way, Bitter Irony would be a great name for a beer.

Sick Day

So I called in sick this morning. Not because I'm still hung-over, but because I am actually kind of sick. Somehow I turned into a 70-year old smoker or I swallowed some glass and now my throat hurts and I sound like a frog.

The point to my post is how it takes a little while to ease into a sick/hooky day. I felt a bit guilty at first, b/c I could have probably gone in and sat at my desk today, but I also really, really didn't want to. I don't feel good enough to really enjoy a hooky day, but I'm also excited to walk for coffee w/ the dog, and maybe make a big pot of soup.

So after I'm done watching the Today Show, I might take a nap. Topic of discussion: How do you spend sick/hooky days?

I might also watch the 300 lb ice block continue to melt.

It's a Big Week

We have a lot of great things coming this week.
It could be our biggest week yet.

On tap from our contributors we have:

-Three separate Winter Olympics party reviews.

-Modern Maturity, and your Economic Freedom

-Ultimate strategy: The give and go off the high release backhand.

-The Ocean: What's the Deal?

-Top Five Band names by Bands that aren't as cool as their Name would suggest

-Why Brazil is a big country that is neat. by Birdflag age 5 1/2.

-Plus the addition of an entirely new contributor.

-Why guerilla marketing ruined Burger Chef, where you could eat as many pickles as you liked, and not get creeped out by that Burger King guy.

5 questions from work

On Thursday, I was asked no less than 5 (five) questions by my coworkers.

-What is the difference between tangerines and oranges?
-How many lunches did you order for the product demo?
-Can we fit the elevator in that shaft anyway?
-The elevation is off by 1/8th of an inch, is that okay?
-Is my son Owen bothering you?

Guess which one didn't I answer totally sarcastically.
It's a trivia quiz for you.
Kind of like Sukodoh, but with letters.

It don't get much shorter than this

I heart NY

Getting Back and Giving Back(Lessons from psalm 42 & 51)

I don't know why I get revelations when I clean my car. I have a 1990 Mazda Protege. I used to drive a black 1990 Mazda MPV and I felt I was supposed to switch to the white one. The black one was obviously evil. It was Dark Sided. Now, don’t get me wrong, people with dark skin aren’t evil, well not all of them are evil. Pastor Jayson likes to say that God just left them in the oven too long. So they aren’t evil, just slightly ruined. Well, now when I clean my new car, I clean it get these revelations, usually about how I am also a "Protege". A protégé of the Lord. And I’m not even a car. Like Automan, or Streethawk. LOLLERSKATES! ...and you think your life is weird... :-)

Now you would think that I would clean my car every week or so (especially if I get a revelation every time I do it), but it's normally cleaned every 4-8 weeks. Whenever I look at it, it still looks white with just a little dirt on it and I figure I can clean it when it gets really dirty. Even today, I was thinking do I really need to clean it, it looks pretty clean still. Then I started washing it. I was blown away. Compared to the washed parts of the car...the rest of the car looked grey...really really dirty. Really dirty.

Being dirty is not just about dirt, and it being on you. It is about the Dark Side, and your soul. Your soul can’t get dirty from dirt, only from sin. I have some friends right now wondering what is happening to their lives. They feel dirty, they don't even feel saved, they have never been "this bad" before and yet they are serving god and still seeking him. They ask we what they're doing wrong. Is it karma? I assure them it is not a crazy magic word from Korea that is making their lives bad, because I feel like I know everything because of my beliefs. I have no need to learn anything new because I have faith. You see the problem is we think we're clean. We think we're white and pure and blameless. But when god comes and applies pressure to our lives, scrubs us clean, and causes all his waves to wash over us in order to make us true white, we see how dirty we are. You might say that we all are less white in the eyes of Jesus, for he is the whitey-ist.

Let me encourage you if you feel so away from god and yet you have been loving him and serving him. It is not the judgment of god you are feeling. That is reserved for the enemies of god. What you are feeling and going through is the love of god...the love of god makes us clean...although his love can scrub us hard sometimes. Allow him to clean your heart. May we all cry out "Come And Bleach Our Souls God And Make Me True White Like Your Son."


Additional inspiration from Matthew Manchester, Deland Florida

This is better than anything I ever wrote and I stole it.

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I hope this guy is real

Beef w/ baby spinach

Okay, so why is some baby spinach so much bigger than others? The gigando leaves in my "baby" spinach salad that I made for myself for lunch are annoying me. Trying to eat while "working" at my desk, and it's just not acceptable.

Searching for just the right-sized baby spinach...and for a weather update...it's raining again.

Supercharge your Science:

or How to be Rich.

Winning the Lottery isn't luck. Lottery numbers are randomly drawn, but randomly drawn numbers form patterns that can be tracked and used to our advantage, winners are not random, in the same way that no two snowflakes are binary congruents of another sunflower stalk. Having carefully analyzed all the drawing results of more than 160 different Lotto games worldwide, with histories going back as far as 1955, I have verified the following incredibly simple rule:

That which is MOST POSSIBLE happens MOST OFTEN.
That which is LEAST POSSIBLE happens LEAST OFTEN.

This is a concept from Math. It is seen in such movies as the Butterfield Affect, or Lost Worlds: Dinosaur's Park! The concept is that basically strings hold together the universe with how butterfly(s) control Earthquakes based on the fault lines, and Chaos Theorum.

HIGH-LOW TIPS
Winning numbers are usually spread across the entire number field. If we take a number field and cut it in half, we have the primary half and the tertiary half. In a 49-number game, numbers 1 to 25 would be in the primary half, and numbers 26 to 49 would be in the tertiary half, or half of prime, the third half. All tertiary numbers are never drawn, occurring less than 16 percent of the time, meaning never, according to statistics. The best mix is to have 2/4, 4/2 or 3/3, which means two primary and four tertiary, or four primary and two tertiary, or three primary and three tertiary. Winning number groups with these three patterns occur in 81 percent of all drawings, or always. The best mix is to have 2/4, 4/2 or 3/3, which means two odd and four even, or four odd and two even, or three odd and three even. One of these three patterns will occur in 81 percent of the drawings

PLAY A BALANCED GAME
After you choose six numbers you want to play, add them together and make sure that the sum of the six numbers adds up to somewhere between 183 and 185. Sums that fall within that range will account for over 87 percent of all jackpots won. If any skip from 0 to 5 did not occur, play the Lotto numbers that are out that many games. For example, in the combination 5-14-17-32-38-49, there are no 20's. Numbers out ten games or less account for about 81 percent of the six winning numbers. This tells us that hot numbers are more likely to hit, but don't forget to include at least one long shot in your group of 6.

AVOID COMBINATIONS THAT HAVE BEEN DRAWN BEFORE, OR EVIL NUMBERS
Many players like to bet the numbers that have won someone else a big jackpot, and by doing so, they are almost guaranteed NOT to win one themselves. With two drawings a week, a set of 6 numbers has a chance of being drawn once every 134,459 years!!! This should also answer the question I am so often asked, "Shouldn't I keep playing the same set of numbers every week because they are due to hit sometime?" The question you should ask yourself, is "Why am I so allergic to science?" Don't be foolish, everyone knows that 15, 24, 36 and 41 are the devil's numbers. Never play them. Even if you were to win with these numbers, or any combination of these numbers, including their inverse reciprocals, the jackpot would be cursed, tainting you, and those you know.

AVOID THE COMBINATION 1-2-3-4-5-6
The most popular set of numbers most often played is: 1-2-3-4-5-6. Thousands of tickets are bought with this combination every drawing. The selection is too far out of balance to come up in a random drawing. It is numerically impossible for that sequence to replicate. Try playing 6-5-4-3-2-1 instead, if you insist on those numbers. Also, try 7. 7 is important. At any time possible, play more numbers than allowed, this will increase your winnings by Factors. Dividends not denominators, as they say in "Real Estates."

IN LOTTO, THE TREND IS YOUR FRIEND
The shortest, easiest way to search for Lotto numbers that have the greatest probability of winning is to track the trends. My Smart Think strategies show you how to understand and use historical data. It teaches you to understand and use historical data. The Greys and Reptoids have unlocked numerical conditioning, why haven't you?

My baby is cuter than yours

Commence ramble:

Just spent the day at home with Henry. His daycare provider was sick, and we haven't lined up a backup yet, so today I was Mr. Mom. I can handle it for about 6 hours & then I go totally nuts. I changed 5 diapers, and 2 of them had some sort of martian goo that I'd never seen before, courtesy of the peaches we've introduced this week. Millions of peaches, peaches for me...

Henry is a social ham. Take him somewhere with lots of people and he giggles & smiles all day long. But set him down in a quiet room at home & he's not so happy. I think I prefer it this way, because he always makes a good impression; some babies hate to be around all that commotion & would rather sit in a quiet nursery somewhere.

I think Henry may be abnormally cute too, but I'm prejudiced so you be the judge. He doesn't have a big melon head yet, which is great because it means he's easier to carry and all of his hats still fit. Jen wants to try & get him on a baby magazine cover.

Membership Drive

We'll be interrupting your regular Birdflag transmission all this week to show our current donation drive. Help us meet and exceed last year's goal.

Birdflag is on the air due to the support of readers like you, and generous corporate sponsorship from Google maps.

So that new guy in town looks like this

If you missed Winter League, then you didn't meet him.

We're going to Pluto! Maybe we will find some crazy ice aliens there. Unfortunately, we won't know until at least 2015. Read more at abcnews.go.com/Technolo...

Today is one of those days when I can never concentrate. The morning started out well and I was busy and stuff. Then lunch time came and I haven't been able to get anything done. I want to go to sleep. Instead, I scour the internet looking for interesting things like this. I probably check http://slashdot.org and http://espn.go.com at least 10 times a day.
What are your most visited web sites?

New Smallville tonight, my thoughts tomorrow.

Ashitron: why don't you give us some Gilmore Girls updates.

Ramblin' Rod Primer

Ramblin' Rod was this dude who hosted a cartoon show on KPTV 12 every weekday before school. They played Looney Tunes, Popeye, etc. Kids were invited to come & sit on a bleacher in the studio to watch Ramblin' Rod announce the cartoons & to be on TV, and even as a kid in Corvallis I remember scanning the bleacher and finding people I knew. You would often see groups of Cub Scouts & Brownies in the audience, who had gone up to Portland as a group to be on the show.

Friends of mine who had been on the show said that it wasn't much fun watching cartoons there. They had a really small TV for the kids to watch.

Ramblin' Rod was known mainly for brown sweater, which was covered in buttons & pins. Kids used to bring buttons to give to Rod, and he would act surprised & say something like "oh, you have a button for me? thank you!" and snatch the buttons away quickly. He obviously had many buttons stashed away somewhere, 'cause they couldn't all fit on his sweater.

Every morning he had a smile contest, where the camera would pan the bleacher & most kids would smile, some would look around aimlessly, and a winner was chosen.

In my kid world, Ramblin' Rod was the biggest celebrity there was. Followed closely by Tom Peterson.

More on Ramblin' Rod here: http://home.comcast.net/~kptv/Shows/ramblin80s.htm

I *love* pessimism!

Entertainment Guide #3: The Best Weekend Plan

My favorite weekend since I've been living in Portland was my 5 days in San Francisco(ish). Cool bars, nice hiking, good public transportation system. It's got everything.

My SF buddies also convinced me to quit my job before it started, so now there's nothing from holding me back.

Help me fall in love with Portland, or I'm gonna have to give in and move southward.

Also, who's T-unit?
Also, who's no1? I like no1 for also knowing the only thing I know about New Hampshire even though I lived there for 4 years.
Also, what happened to flair? Seems like nobody flairs anymore. Haters.
Also, I'm not posting anymore until this blog stops being pink. It's not a threat; it's just the truth.

Hypothetical Question for the Week 01/18

The quarters are killing me. Simply killing me.

Hence, the hypothetical question on a topic that the Cruise (if he's going to insist on being called that) and I were discussing recently:

Let's say you were a member of a double act. Who would be the funny guy and who would be the straight man? Who would be the Sonny to your Cher? Your Dan to your John, and so forth?

And, more importantly, why are you the funniest?

Quarterly Review

One of my favorite things to collect is quarters.
Some of my rarest include one from 1978, and one that got some knicks out of the edge so it won't work in a vending machine.
As far as I know they are all worth about 25 cents each.
The coolest thing about collecting quarters is you can pull a Voltron and combine 4 of them in a special way to make a dollar.
You combine them by handing them to a cashier.

Now on to the review of the US Mint's QUARTERS OF THE STATES.

WORST QUARTER:
KANSAS



A really weak buffalo. And a daisy. Your state sucks.

BEST QUARTER:
CONNECTICUT



A tree. Simple. Elegant. Tree-mendous.

BIZNATCH QUARTER:
NORTH CAROLINA



Quit stealing your own fake accomplishment from Ohio you losers.
The Wright brothers took their plane from Ohio down to NC just because there was a very windy hill.
That is all your state is good for.
Wind.
And Hills.
And Barney Fife.

BIZZAREST QUARTER:
OHIO



It has a living person on it. I believe it is the only US coin in history to do that.

MOST PATHETIC QUARTER:
NEW HAMPSHIRE



They put some rock that kind of looks like a dude on their quarter.
Then the rock fell apart. New Hampshire is pathetic.
Quick, name a town in New hampshire.
Wrong.
That town's really in Connecticut. Home of the cool tree coin.


And in two related notes, that new nickel is so wicked awesome.
Close up of Jefferson? A totally killer mean Buffalo?
You couldn't have stuck a million baby monkeys in a thousand rooms with a billion typewriters and gotten a better American coin.
Not even if you waited a hundred years.

Andrew Jackson was our gayest president. I have determined this entirely from the 20 dollar bill.

Monday, pissed off

Do you ever feel pissed off that you have to be at work on Monday? Sometimes I do...and this is one of those mornings. I mean, I usually I try to be civil and feign a good attiude, but not so much this morning.

Why? Well.....
1) I didn't get my usual snooze time after my alarm went (set it too late).
2) It's raining.
3) I have a new intern starting, and although he is cute, and is the manager at the Brazen Bean, we are having computer problems as usual. And my co-worker, who is annoying as all hell is in charge of him -- but she has no idea what she is doing. The bright spot is that I'm hoping for some free drinks or something.
4) It is MLK Day and I have to work instead of honor Dr. King's legacy by sleeping in.
5) And my weekend was kind of blah on top of it all.

So there you have it. Monday is crappy....and I'm hoping that a trip for coffee will help aleive this foul mood.

Topic of discussion from this thread? Why you should get MLK day off if you're working, and what you would do.

ESPN.com: Page 2 : Uni Watch: Uni Vision

I think Uni watch is great. Most of what Lukas writes about is very true. I couldn't help but notice that in his top 10 worst unis for the year, we are connected to the top 3.

1.) The U of O jerseys do look like crap. Honestly, are they stamped metal plates that you see on the ground for traction?

2.) The Colorado Rockies. Seriously, those are the ugliest baseball jerseys I have ever seen.

3.) Sorry Birdflag, but the pants on those Bengals uniforms ain't gonna cut it? Why on earth did they wear those for 1 game only, and in the playoffs no less.

Such is that for this edition of the Uni watch, but I recommend you take some time and go thru some of the other editions. Especially the one about socks. Great things can be said there.That brings me to my next point. I think Ultimate Jerseys need to be spruced up a bit. I'd love to see a team wearing some $ soccer jerseys with collars. That would be dope. Note to other teams: DO NOT WEAR PANTS AND SHIRTS THAT ARE THE SAME COLOR. Ugly, 'nuff said.I'd like to see this in my future (perhaps with a collar even)

Read more at sports.espn.go.com/espn...

So Apparently...

[rant]I am apparently the worst contributer. I apologize for that. I hate my job. I have complete and utter morons telling me what I need to do. They have no idea how to plan, they cannot keep a schedule in place. They provide no training whatsoever and refuse to hire more people. The fact that we (my fab) does 2x as much work as our "sister" fabs with half the people is pretty ridiculous. They get paid the same too.
[/rant]

So, last night was the first Smallville episode in like a month. I was giddy with excitement all day yesterday, seeing as how this and Desperate Housewives are the only shows I watch on TV anymore. All in all, a pretty good episode. Unfortunately, Clark didn't really do anything very cool. He caught a bullet in his hand and used superspeed, but that's kind of lame. The best part, though, was the show started to investigate into the eternal question: Can Superman have Sex? My friends and I have been wondering about this ever since we started watching the show 5 years ago. Fortunately for me, I'm a dork and had the question answered in Frank Miller's The Dark Night Strikes Again. To keep you from further suspense, the answer is no, Superman cannot have sex with normal humans. He only got to do it with Lana earlier this season because his powers were taken away. Anyway, the whole scene where the discussion took place was pretty funny.

Stay tuned for some random thoughts from me later, as I'm sure I'll get tired of working and start reading the intarweb

In Today's News: Porkopolis

Today, the AP reports on a recent study on Americans’ attitudes toward overweight people conducted by the NPD Group. While still negative, perceptions of "fatties," as some prefer to be called, are less negative than they once were, say 20 years ago.

All the same, fat people still struggle to gain acceptance in a society obsessed with personal appearance. Marilyn Wann, board member of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, complained, “Everyone thinks it’s OK to make fun of fatties.”

But. It’s still okay to poke fun at ugly people, right?

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060112/NEWS07/601120630/1009

Eavesdropping -- Bjork / Ikea

From McSweenys -- funny

A SELECTION FROM GEORGE W. BUSH'S EAVESDROPPING TAPES:
MATTHEW BARNEY AND BJÖRK PLACE AN IKEA PHONE ORDER

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/1/10mccoy.html

Toys for desk jockeys

This made my Christmas:
















Mom got the unit for me for $80, including a home & car kit. Took me a couple days tinkering around to figure how the hell to mount it in my car, but I like the way it's set up now. I used some scrap metal I had laying around & wedged it in the A/C vents like you see here. It's removable from the cradle & comes with me to work, where I get great reception. There's a terrestrial repeater in Portland which helps.

Yes, I got it for Stern. Is the show as funny or cutting edge without the threat of the FCC? Yes. It's better. They even have George Takei (Mr. Sulu) sitting in this week, and he is one of the most unintentionally funny people I've ever heard. He was fooled by an Arnold impersonator over the phone this week, making for some classic radio.

This HAS made work less "tedious". It's got a 45-minute buffer, so I can pause it when someone stops by my desk to talk, & I can FF & RW. Didn't think it would be that handy, but oh man I use it all the time. It can remember songs or bands I like and alert me when they are about to come on another station. Yes birdflag, I've got Talking Heads set in memory so it will alert me whenever a TH song comes on.

I had an alert for Death Cab For Cutie, but I was getting alerts every half hour so I had to delete that one.

Ah, finally the seal is broken & I can now post freely.

Tedious

Okay, a moment to lament the downfalls of a desk job. I'm a pretty smart person, pretty good at what I do, and in general an effective and productive employee. But really...at about hour 6 each day I'm done -- and everything after that point just seems tedious and annoying.

I'm highly distracted by just about everything -- even things that are actually work related. I mean in the age of e-mails and phone calls and instant everything, I don't know how anyone actually focuses long enough to excel at anything, let alone for 8 hours a day.

But then again I don't like manual labor all that much, and am no good at customer service. So I guess I'm screwed, but I thought I'd share. I also read something recently that pointed to the fact that people who are distracted easily are usually more creative and higher functioning on a brain-wave level. Their minds can handle multiple sources of stimulation as opposed to a singularly focused office drone.

I am sissyfying this page

Until further notice, well until the rain stops, this will be a happy place.
Welcome to this happy home.

The Insider:from the outside

Buzz around town says that a certain young man has not only switched teams, he switched TEAMS. You know what they say, once you go ****, you never go ****.
See you at The Manhole, if you know what I mean. Chasing plastic? More like Chasing Amy. If “Amy” were really born a man and named “Dakota” when performing on stage.

You didn’t hear it from me, but what’s that going around all the paddlers in Nopo?
It’s what you get when you put two hands together. And it’s an ITCHY situation.
All right, these allusions are going over your head.
It’s Gonorrhea.
The Clap.
Did I have to draw you a picture?

Honeymooning on the Rocks? Say it ain’t so!
The Oregon Pine saw a certain (three)some canoodling at the front bar on Sunday night.
Hey you kids, (grampa) get a room!

In other news; Back to our two favorite ultimate darlings.
She’s not fat for the winter, she’s eating for two!
Ring a ding ding Bells to save some face? Stay tuned!
Remember, just because white’s your jersey color, you still can’t wear it to the wedding with honor.


Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush.

How to live

A few things to think about on this first 5-day work week of 2006.

1) when packing your workout gear for the Bally's gym in Lake Oswego be sure to remember your hooters t-shirt. It is a popular choice for both men and women. While I once thought that perhaps it would be funny for someone like me to wear a hooters t-shirt...I now think it's just silly. I mean the orange shorts are really the way to go.

2) If you are guy, hanging out with other dudes on NW 23rd on a Saturday night, be sure that you all wear collared shirts with vertical stripes.

Maybe I'll do a person review next time....I'm thinking about the nice waiter I had at Laurelwood yesterday. He hooked my friend and I up with garlic fries. He might have had the hots for my friend Chris, it's hard to know.

Give Saturday a spark.

Entertainment Guide, #2
Questionable Source: Sparks energy drink

So, I'm playing in a beach tournamnt next weekend in LA. I had never heard of it until a couple months ago, but apparently each team has a drink as their theme, and ours is Sparks. Our team organizer has been giving us all kinds of nagging assignments. go rent Donnie Darko. memorize the Sparkle Motion dance. give me your UPA ID number. drink Sparks. wah wah wah.

Anway, welcome to my inner monologue.

Friday Night--
7:32pm (at the gas station, waiting to pay): oh, they're selling Sparks here. Gannes told me to give it a try. I'll pick one up.
7:32pm: didn't you already "give it a try" when you were in SF this summer? You don't need to buy it.
7:32pm: PREVIOUS COMMENT OMITTED

Saturday Afternoon--
4:47pm: I'm bored and it's getting dark outside. And it's Saturday. Great.
4:47pm: Ok, maybe today I can finally rearrange the furniture in my room. Sitting on the bed is a good place to start.
4:51pm: Chiiiiillin on the bed. Just chiiiillin on the beeeed.... Hey, isn't that my sparks in the corner. Energy...alcohol...orange flavor (orange the color, not the fruit). Maybe this will help get the job done.
4:58pm: Opening up a can of whoopass on my room. by myself. hiding it from the rest of my family. sounds like the begining of a problem. and the begining of a solution.

And still my leg won't stop shaking.

The eternal darkness of Portland Rain

Hello......L-boogie here. First time bloger, long-time bleader. (okay not really, I only just discovered that Kyle had a blog).

Today is raining like a mo-fo....and my long-ass commute to Tigard takes extra long. And to top it off, NPR was boring (no, it's not boring all the time). So I had to revert to my new favorite tracks from Kanye West. I'm not sure the names, or even what he's talking about, but the beat is good, and gets me bumping for the day.

I really wouldn't mind seeing the sun soon, or just a sliver of blue sky perhaps? I don't think daylight has actually appeared at all in the past couple weeks. Oh, except eariler this week, there were some really beautiful sunrises, before the sun rose into the clouds....

TGIF! and TUPAC is alive and living in my basement.

2005 is the year that was

We lost some great people this past year; the black sidekick from Spencer for Hire, Bea Arthur, former Buffalo Bill’s coach Marv Levy. Famous people do indeed go in threes.
We’ll miss you all. Equally. Some politicians also died, but they were overshadowed by people who didn’t die. Or were already dead. Sort of like how Trimet buses are making a big deal about Rosa Park’s anniversary of her not dieing but getting famous. It’s sort of like XXXXXXXX*1. I mean really, can I get a whatwhat?

One person we won’t miss, or won’t miss more.
Or will miss now finally, is Tupac. Tupac has been dead now for 10 years, but since he released a new album every year until this one, it was hard to think of him as dead. For years, many notable Conspiracy Theorists surmised that Tupac was still alive. This was because they were wrong. His rhymes were all blatantly old. Trying to front on current events be about Newt Gingrich all up in the Hizzouse. Anyway, my main source on this insider info was none other than my old friend “Louie.”*2 So while his Tupac info was shaky, based mainly on shoddy albums released by his moms, and a couple lines in Macchiavelli’s “The Prince” that he was making inferences from , he did have another piece of insider stock that intrigued me.
FUBU.
That’s right, FUBU urban market apparel.
FUBU, perhaps an acronym of For Us, By Us*3, always puts the number 05 on its athletic apparel. Louie was kind enough to inform me that the 05 stood for 2005, the year when the race war would start. Thankfully he was wrong a second time.

And that is what I am thankful for in the past year.


FOOTNOTES:

*1 This was a really good analogy, but I had to delete it because of Godwin’s Law.

Godwin's_law

*2

INFO ON THE GOOD DOCTOR

This article is the funniest thing here. Because it reads like one giant inside joke to me.
Good lookin’ out Louie!*4 Keep it real.*5

*3 hence the remarkable guerrilla marketing perpetrated by LL Cool J in his GAP ad.

*4 Louie, as in Louis, as in Lewis. Nicknames from 2nd grade don’t always make sense.

*5 My favorite Louie catchphrase is “Oh, THIS is the Jam.”

THE hot spot for New Years in Portland*

Welcome to the first edition of the Entertainment Guide. Knowing nothing about Arts or Entertainment in Portland, this hard hitting reporter asks only kind of easy questions of the most questionable sources.

So, where all the fabulous Portlanders go to kick off the new year in style? According to Mama, Stepdad and Li'l Bro,** the place to be in Portland for the biggest non-event of the year is Maui, HI. They serve it up bubbly and non-alcoholic with some Martinellis, watch a little tube in the yet-to-be refurbished '60s resort and ask Raindog to turn the lights out around 9:30 or so. I thought about crashing a party, but Mama pointed out that I wouldn't be able to do it because we weren't within walking distance of anyone my generation and I wasn't allowed to drive the rental car. But don't worry, we were the only people moving on the island the next day because everyone else was hungover. Nature looks prettier without people anyway.

Reporting live,
Raindog



*Yes, it's a little late for you to use this guide for your New Years plans, but that's just how the Entertainment Guide rolls.

**I have to say it. None of these three people are from Portland. In your defense, gentle readers, most of the transplants I know are pretty f-ing sweet, but these three are just so... faaaamily oriented, and I'd like to blame it on something. Even if just to preserve my perception that Portland=Awesome.